The Quest for Green Beer and Greenbacks: Being Unemployed on St. Patrick's Day

Today’s post is a real, true, “day in the life of the unemployed”. Specifically, this is my day—yesterday-- as it actually happened. In mind-numbing detail. At the risk of boring you (and I apologize in advance if it does), I wanted to share some of the trials and tribulations of being unemployed: The oh-poor-me’s of it… or, the optimistic side, as in, at least I’m not stuck in a stuffy office and I get to enjoy the nice weather! In general, this is the bad and the sometimes good, and either way, it’s the still-able-to-laugh-at-myself, ups and downs of my wage-less existence. If you do find this tedious to read, consider yourself lucky… better to read it than to live it, right?

6:06 AM: Get up for 7 AM swim practice.
9:12 AM: Call from temp agency. Google assignment. Best news of the day. So far.
10:00 AM: Grocery store. Out of English muffins again.
10:30 AM: Home again. Fix breakfast. Watch end of recording of Biggest Loser. Procrastinate the dreaded job search for the day.
12:15 PM: Facebook, emails, anything but answering ads again. Hell, at least I’m on my computer… that counts as job searching, doesn’t it?
12:45 PM: Finally look at ads, play around with cover letters. Change two words on resume. Big progress.
1:00 PM: Phone call from fellow unemployed friend. Misery loves company.
2:15 PM: Lunch and start getting ready for Open Call for bartenders at a local bar/restaurant.
3:25 PM: Leave apartment and head to Open Call. Dodge countless drunken, green-enrobed revelers crowding the streets. Can barely walk. Almost get knocked down by a guy wearing a leprechaun hat, a fake green beard, and a T-shirt that says “I swear to drunk I’m not God!”
3:45 PM: Arrive at bar/restaurant for Open Call. For those of you not familiar with this process, this is a cattle call for those in the food and beverage service biz: One ad on Craigslist, a room full of potential bartenders all scrambling for the same job, and one or two interviewers calling people up, one at a time. It’s the same kind of thing as for actors at big auditions (think American Idol), except that we don’t have to sing. We just have to know the difference between sushi and sashimi, or the ingredients in a Dry Martini.
3:50 PM: Size up the competition, feel inferior. Wait to be called. Wait some more. Read restaurant’s menu. Try to overhear the questions being asked by the interviewer. Prepare answers. Study the menu again. Need to pee, but scared they’ll call me if I leave.
4:25 PM: Finally… my turn to be interviewed. Reading the menu pays off… I get the questions right! Note to future Open Callers: Don’t just sit there waiting your turn, with all that time to kill, reading “Us Weekly” or “Sports Illustrated“. Read the menu. In case they ask. And inevitably, they will.
4:26 PM: Interviewer berates the guy before me who didn’t study the menu, and therefore didn’t know the difference between sushi and sashimi.
4:30 PM: Leave bar. Head to another bar where I used to work to enquire about summer job. Dodge countless more drunken green people. Shamrock beads. Light-up Shamrock necklaces. Irish flags.
4:50 PM: Arrive at second bar. Not hiring till April. Pick up application. Leave.
4:55 PM: Swing by Starbuck’s to grab a stash of Splenda packets for my own home use. Can you blame me? I’m unemployed!
5:03 PM: Pass homeless man in street begging for money. Walk on by without my usual guilt for not giving him anything, because I have the best excuse in the book. I’m unemployed.
5:04 PM: Suddenly fear I may soon be joining homeless man in street begging for money.
5:17 PM: Walk by Tasti DLite. Figure I deserve an award for being slightly proactive today. No good flavors. Head home.
5:26 PM: Back in apartment. Listen to the sounds of laughter and beer-induced festivities coming from the bar next door. Feel like a big loser because I’m not taking part. Erin Go Blah.
6:00 PM: Start writing this here blog thingy when I should be sending out resumes and answering ads. (Mom made me do it!). Bagpipe music outside window.
6:46 PM: Announcement on the news that unemployment rate is 9.7%. Great, rub it in.
7:21 PM: Still writing. WAY too much time away from the ol’ job hunt grind. Almost time to call it a day. Besides, my show is on soon. Put off job searching till tomorrow.
9:00 PM: Still struggling with getting this blog set up on-line. Seemed so simple in theory.
9:15 PM: Get a call for a temp job tomorrow. Coat check girl again, darn it. Desperation prevails. Accept assignment.
10:00 PM: Chicken noodle soup. Broccoli. Ugly Betty.
10:45 PM: Check to see if anyone’s read my blog yet.
10:50 PM: Check again.
11:03 PM: Wash face. Break out in odd, random rash . Great. That’ll definitely improve my interview look.
11:14 PM: Check to see if anyone’s read my blog yet.
11:17 PM: Check to see if anyone’s read my blog yet.
12:20 AM: Lights out.

So that’s all there is for now (finally, right?). Happy (belated) St. Patty’s Day, and happy hunting for the job-deprived!